Before She Was What She Is
by ToxicRainfall
Summary: A series of freeverse poems telling of Bellatrix's love for Lucius, back when they were young and carefree...
1. For Me, At Least

**[[Before She Was What She Is]]**

{{1. For Me, At Least}}

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

**A/N: **Came first in MadHatterBellatrix10's '7 Days of Taylor Swift' Challenge. Please review!

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_"I'm the one who makes you laugh,_  
><em>When you know you're about to cry."<em>  
><strong>-You Belong With Me-<strong>

* * *

><p><span>-Best friends-<span>  
>That's what<em> they <em>call us  
>I suppose <strong>{we are}<strong>  
>_But that's <em>not<em> wha t_  
><strong>Not at all<strong>

.

-Boyfriend**/**Girlfriend-  
>That's what<em> I<em> want **us** to be  
>But I'm <em>not sure<em> that'll ever **{happen}**  
>_But it's wha t_<br>**So much**

.

-Alone-  
><em>No one<em> sees _this part_ of me  
>It's the part that <em>I am<em> without **{you}**  
>_That's the par e_<br>**With all my ****heart**

**X**

**I don't ****understand**  
><em>~Why<em> can't we be an **us**?~  
>I'm the <span>one<span> who makes you - h-  
>When <span>you<span> know you're about to -c r y-  
><em>'Does that not make for <em>_love?'_  
><strong>It does<strong>  
>[[For <em>me<em>, at least]]

.

**Change your /mind/**  
>Say you'l <em>chance<em>  
><span>We're<span> **best friends**, right?  
>So <span>we'd<span> make for a **.perfect couple.**

.

Just try it  
>Just give it a <em>go<em>  
>Maybe it'll be the most ((<strong> l<strong>)) thing  
><span>-Ever-<span>


	2. Magical

**[[Before She Was What She Is]]**

{{2. Magical}}

**A/N:**For MadHatterBellatrix10's '7 Days of Taylor Swift' Challenge. Please review!

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_"Tell me things like,  
>'I can't take my eyes off of you<em>_."_  
><strong>-Superstar-<strong>

* * *

><p>We ((laugh)) <span>together<span>  
>We ((learn)) <span>together<span>  
>We spend <em>all our time<em> together  
>Still, you don't ~<strong>look<strong>~ at [m e]  
>The way I ~<strong>look<strong>~ at [y o u]  
>I just want <em>you<em>  
>To<br>**f  
>a<br>l  
>l<strong>  
>for <em>me<em>  
>To <strong>love<strong> _me_  
>To {{caress}} my f a c e<br>And tell me /things/  
><strong>Like<strong>  
><em>"<em>_I can't take my eyes off of you__"_  
>(I would tell you these things too/)  
>And we would be<br>**_Perfect_**

**.**

And then I can't [b e l i e v e] it  
>You/ are **staring** at \me\  
><em>Glistening<em> .eyes.  
><strong>Blue<strong> and **grey** and **silver**  
>And there are t e a r s on your .face.<br>**Wet** and **shimmering** and **heart-breaking**  
>And <span>you<span> -say-  
>"She doesn't love me"<br>And I _try_ and c o m f o r t _you_  
>But I <strong>knew<strong> it /all along\  
>Because <strong>no-one<strong> can love _you_  
>Quite as much as <em>I<em> do  
>But<em> you<em> can _tell_  
>You [<strong>see<strong>] something in my e y e s too  
>And you <strong>speak<strong>  
>{{Without}} a <strong>thought<strong>  
>And <span>ask<span> me  
><strong>"Will you go out with me?"<strong>

**.**

It was ~magical~  
>Our skin b r u s h e d, <em>hand<em> on _hand_  
><strong>Laughter<strong>, s m i l e s, _frolicking in the sand_  
>Grains in my hair<br>Grains between my toes  
>[I take your hand]<br>And you _bump_ my **nose**  
>((It's perfection))<br>**Real **and **true**  
><em>And I know it<br>And you know it_  
><strong>There's something there<strong>  
>And it's <em>..beautiful..<em>


	3. It Was Her All Along

**[[Before She Was What She Is]]**

{{2. It Was Her All Along}}

**A/N:**For MadHatterBellatrix10's '7 Days of Taylor Swift' Challenge. Please review!

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_"The first date, man,  
>I didn't kiss her when I should have<em>_."_  
><strong>-Our Song-<strong>

* * *

><p>Things went<br>**d  
>o<br>w  
>n<br>h  
>i<br>l  
>l<strong>  
>from <span>there<span>  
><em>I guess<em>  
>I mean, the <strong>date<strong> was p e r f e c t  
>But I <em>suppose<em> it just -wasn't for you-  
>I thought things would <strong>{{change}}<strong>  
>.I kept hoping.<br>**Hoping** you were t a l k i n g to your friends  
>And [saying] <em>things<em> like  
><strong>"The first date?<strong>  
>{{Man}},<br>I didn't _kiss_ her when I should have."  
>You never did though<br>**Did you?**  
>Did you regret <strong>us<strong> right away?  
><strong>.<strong>

It was **her** _all along_  
>.My. <em>sister<em>  
>Perfect N a r c i s s a<br>{[Cissy]}  
><em>She<em> was the one _you_ really wanted  
>Did you date<em> me<em>  
>Just to get at <em>her<em>?  
><span>It worked<span>  
>'<em>Too bad, Bella'<em>  
>I told myself<br>'_Looks like you've l o s t again'_  
><strong>Cissy<strong> comes out on top again  
><strong>Perfect<strong> hair  
><strong>Perfect<strong> grades  
><strong>Perfect<strong> love  
>Not for <em>me<em>, though  
><em>Bella<em> _doesn't deserve_ **love**  
><em>So it seems<em>


	4. Dying Heart

**[[Before She Was What She Is]]**

{{4. Dying Heart}}

**A/N:**For MadHatterBellatrix10's '7 Days of Taylor Swift' Challenge. Please review!

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_"The kind of reckless  
>That should send me running<br>But I kinda know that I wouldn't get far__."_  
><strong>-Sparks Fly-<strong>

* * *

><p>Our <span>friendship<span> _died_ with it  
>Everything was ((awkward)) now<br>We would cross in the hallways  
>And look/ **away**  
><span>No more<span> l a u g h t e r  
><span>No more<span> s m i l e s  
>We're not friends<br>And it {bre/aks} my _slowly_ **dying** heart

**.**

I try not to become  
>What my {broken} heart is _f o r c i n g_ me to be  
>I <strong>see<strong> what I'm ~turning~ into  
>I'm the kind of <strong>[[reckless]]<strong>  
>That should <span>send<span> me _running_  
>But I <span>kinda<span> know that I wouldn't get f a r  
>I <em>do<em> try to **r u n** though  
>It's not as easy as it .sounds.<br>My **heart** is |poisoned|  
><em><strong>~Twisted~<strong>_

**.**

I -need- to **tell** you  
>That's <em>all<em> I can do  
>To <strong>try<strong> and **save** myself  
><span>From<span> m y s e l f  
>So that's <em>what I do<em>  
>"{{<strong>Lucius<strong>}},  
>Do you <em>know<em>?  
><span>I love you<span>  
>It's hard<br>But I need you to _know_"  
>You are <strong>silent<strong>  
>No words<br>And I feel f o o l i s h  
>And I feel the <strong>blackness <strong>_stir _in my heart  
>((Again))<p> 


	5. Never

**[[Before She Was What She Is]]**

{{5. Never}}

**A/N:**For MadHatterBellatrix10's '7 Days of Taylor Swift' Challenge. Please review!

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_"And now I'm pacing back and forth  
>Wishing you were at my door.<em>_"_  
><strong>-Enchanted-<strong>

* * *

><p>I *wish* I hadn't said a word<br>It was **stupid**  
>What did I <em>expect?<em>  
>That you would [[turn]]<br>And say  
>"I l o v e you too, <strong>Bella<strong>!"  
>But no<br>**Of course not**  
><em>You<em> love Cissy  
><em>((Stupid Cissy))<em>  
>And I <em>have<em> no **hope**.

**.**

I'm such an idiot  
>I <strong>know<strong> that _now_  
>And now I'm p a c i n g back and forth/  
>*Wishing* you were at my <strong>door<strong>  
><span>Just to say something<span>  
>|Anything|<br>Even if it's  
><strong>"I hate you<strong>  
>I don't want to <em>see<em> you again  
><span>Ever again<span>"  
>That's better than the \\s i l e n c e\\<br>**Never-ending**  
>Silence<p>

**.**

But you don't come  
>You <em><span>never<span>_ come  
>And I'm l e f t<br>[[Wondering]] what you really **think**  
><span>But only seeing you<span>  
>With <em>her<em>  
>And we <strong>act<strong> like nothing ever happened  
>Like we were never friends<br>Like we had never had that date  
>Like we had never known each other<br>_Before_  
><span>It's all over<span>  
><strong>For good<strong>


	6. Do You Wonder?

**[[Before She Was What She Is]]**

{{6. Do You Wonder?}}

**A/N:**For MadHatterBellatrix10's '7 Days of Taylor Swift' Challenge. Please review!

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_"On the outside looking in.__"_  
><strong>-The Outside-<strong>

* * *

><p>I'm r e m o v e d<br>From society  
>From <span>your life<span>  
>From <span>my family's lives<span>  
>From <strong>myself<strong>  
><em>I suppose<em>  
>I feel like I'm on the |outside|<br>On the -outside- **looking** in  
>You're all g r o w i n g <span>up<span>  
><em>You<em>**&**_Cissy_ are {married} now  
>Next there's a son<br>I always _pretend_  
>Like <strong>I don't care<strong>  
>((Maybe I don't anymore?))<p>

.

It's **Christmas**  
>Just like <em>any other<em>  
>I go to <em>yours<em>&_Cissy's_ home  
>[[I pretend]]<br>_Pretend_ that _we_ were never close  
><strong>Maybe we weren't?<strong>  
>Sometimes I w o n d e r if it was just a ~dream~<br>_Was it?_  
>I don't know <em>anymore<em>  
>All I do know is that I'm lost/  
>In <strong>darkness<strong>  
>In <strong>despair<strong>  
>And I <strong>need<strong> _death_\&/_pain_  
>I need to <span>hurt <span>others  
>So I can<strong> stop<strong> the hurt inside me  
>It's easy now<br>_So easy_

.

I wonder if you **know?**  
>Know that I'm this way <span>because of you<span>  
>That I <span>hurt<span> others  
>Because your r e j e c t i o n <span>hurt<span> me?  
><strong>Do you ever think about what could have been?<br>**Do you ever _miss_ us?  
>Even just as {{friends}}?<p>

.

I **regret** _so much_  
>I *wish* I could take it back<br>**Friends**  
><strong>B e s t f r i e n d s<strong>  
>Is <span>better<span> than _this_  
>Better than <strong>nothing<strong>  
>Nothing at all<p> 


	7. Leave Me Empty

**[[Before She Was What She Is]]**

{{7. Leave Me Empty}}

**A/N:**For MadHatterBellatrix10's '7 Days of Taylor Swift' Challenge. Please review!

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_"I wonder if he knows  
>How much that I miss him.<em>_"_  
><strong>-Superman-<strong>

* * *

><p>It <strong>aches <strong>sometimes  
>((All the time))<br>My _useless _heart  
>I <em>married<em> in the end  
>To _some man_/  
>Didn't mean <strong>anything<strong> to me  
>He liked to <span>hurt<span> others  
>I liked to <span>hurt<span> others  
>Should be a <span>match<span> made in h e a v e n  
><strong>It's not<strong>

.

I'm envious  
>Of <em>Cissy<em>  
>Of <em>both your lives<em>  
>Of <em>your stupid happiness<em>  
>Rodolphus is <strong>nothing<strong> to me  
>Just someone/ to _warm the sheets_  
>But he can never <strong>compare<strong>  
>Not to <em>you<em>, *Lucius*  
><strong>No-one<strong> can c o m p a r e

.

I do think, _sometimes_  
>"I wonder if he knows<br>How much that I miss him?"  
>But I <span>know<span> the **answer**  
>I'm not sure he <em>cares<em>  
>If I am truly _honest_<p>

.

There is **war**  
><strong>Pain<strong>&**war**&**death**  
><span>I love it<span>  
>Am I <em>sick?<em>  
><strong>I think so<strong>  
>I don't <span>care<span>  
>I don't <em><strong>need<strong>_ to care  
>It's not <em>important<em>, my |purity|  
><span>That left<span>  
><em>Years ago<em>  
>When you <strong>took<strong> my heart  
>And [broke] it into p i e c e s

.

I see the |**end**| now  
>I see <span>death<span>  
><em><strong>My death<strong>_  
>It will happen s o o n, before the <em>close<em>  
>And I {{welcome}} it<br>With o p e n arms  
><strong>Solace<strong>&**silence**  
>I won't have to see you <em>anymore<em>  
>And <em>Cissy<em> and little Draco  
>((Who looks so much like you))<br>And that _stupid_ **aching** will go  
>Leave me <strong>empty<strong>

.

**Empty**  
><span>Dead<span>  
>-No-<br>Can't  
><em>No more<em>  
>[[Life]]<br>-It's too hard-  
><strong>Go<strong>  
><em>Leave me<em>  
><span>Light<span>, leave  
><em>Need<em> **darkness**  
><span>Warm<span>  
>S i l e n t <strong>darkness<strong>

.

I  
><em>Am<em>  
><strong>Gone<strong>


End file.
